When they failed to understand, I sealed my lips by Arabian Oud {R}

It felt like thunder struck me hard and my body has collapsed, my mind has stopped functioning, my writing capabilities have failed and I have no power to write on.. but something kept dragging me ahead, I don't know what it was, my sadness overtook my joys. The miseries I have endured are sealed with this heart, for the world I am a joker, a jester, but the pain is hidden.. let the world enjoy the show and go back home with a smile. There is soo much I want to express and I don't even know if I shall be successful in doing so.

Love entered in my body and leaked into my veins, my brain, my whole existence and captivated my heart, and then finally poisoning my soul.. romantic or scary, I don't know, but I regard it rather 'tragic'. There were moments when being with someone felt so safe and then I wanted to run away to ask myself if I was really happy, if whatever was happening was true or simply a set up? Insecure as much as you think I am, I have gone through soo many nervous breakdowns in the past 2 months. My writing is my friend, for someone I was very selfish because the only motive I ever had was to get something out of that person and not 'be a friend', and then love knocked on my heart and scratched my heart soo deeply, can you see the blood bleeding?I have felt like a corpse for several years, I have played cupid because I thought I did a good job in bringing two lonely hearts together, but I was unlucky myself, all I ever got was sorrow and loneliness.

I felt like life had become so colorless because I was no longer myself, I have radically changed and lost interest in soo many things I once loved. I have been so pumped with anger and sadness. I have suffered critical consequences, I have been name called a lot that I myself don't even know if being honest and sincere has any positive outcome.

When my friends and people I thought failed to understand me, I sealed my lips and decided to walk away, I know my absence has no meanings, I am another mortal, and then someone will replace me, that's the selfishness of this world. I hated people and still do to a great extent, because it is these large majorities who have betrayed me.

Arabian Oud {R} is a broken heart, who only writes out and does not seek fame, let her been anonymous to this world. She is as lonely as ever, all she ever believed in was 'true love' but sadly there is no 'true love', it only exists in fairy tales; this world is full of deceit, lies, betrayal and unfaithful individuals who have always used and abused sincere individuals.

here I am, searching a new way, I am lost in a dark tunnel, but someday I will come out, without anyones help but God.

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