ArabianOud {R}

When nobody understands you and keeps labelling you things you are not, and makes life miserable for you, the best thing to do is to walk away, let time give them the answers because people are so blind to their own conscience that they do not hear themselves clearly. They are simply looking for chances to label someone in a negative way. Emptiness & loneliness walk together and in the beginning you feel scared because you are in this strange situation but then you come to accept and love it and in the end get used to it. I spent a large amount alone which gives me peace. A lot of the people I know do not even read the posts I send them but that doesn't matter, I know who matters and who doesn't. Honestly, I am sick of being nice to people who do not deserve me. Atleast I have the decency not to hang up on people's faces and over the phones. Atleast I am not going to end everything because of a stupid reason, people who know the meaning of relationships are people who s

It's the end of October and it's getting very chilly in London. It's weekend but I feel very repulsive and shattered. These words are like a constant companion in my life, the more I try to use new ways to deal with situations, the more worse it's going. I must say that this year has been very unlucky for me and everything has been going wrong. Next week (28th october) is going to be the beginning of a new journey in my life but I am rather not looking forward to it. If there is a way to escape, I will but then I wonder how far will I run away and how long will it be before I end up in the same place with the same people. In the last two weeks, I have been doing a lot of reading of new and old books. One of the books that I found very shocking was 'Slave Girl', a book written by Sarah Forsyth, a British lady who talks about her life as a prostitute in Amsterdam and how she ends up in this trap after she believes she is applying for the job of a nursery nurse. S

I can't turn back, I don't want to open my eyes, I don't want to cry no more, But then, he scares me, Why am I going in circles? And why is there no escape? Why does it feel okay to die? And not fear death anymore? Why does it feel to laugh at madness? And not fear others' leaving me today? Why do I colour my face black? When this colour is so dark and dangerous? I can't turn back and act, And try to be someone I am not, Why can't they understand what i feel? And why do they make me feel strange? Why does this sunny weather look dull? And the cold weather excites me? Why have I lost faith in myself? And given up myself on going wrong? I am not sure anymore, If anyone could make me happy anymore, Or I could even want to be happy anymore, I don't know what to believe anymore, What is love? And how does it feel? I can't turn back to life, Because it scares me all the time.

A love that I searched for, A love full of honesty and giving, A love that was kind and caring, A love that was not 'selfish', A love that was gentle, A love full of innocence, Not a fairytale but so real, A love not so weak, A love that would be friendly, A love I never had, A forever love. __________________ Words: by me Shot: by me Location: Hyde Park, London Sept 30/09/ 2009 Models: a couple

Sitting by the window and looking outside my garden, it's a chilly day, winter is almost here, it is that time of the year, students go back to a new academic year, people are looking forward to a new beginning, meanwhile some are coming to an end. Strange how life is. My mood's very sober, very glum, very thoughtful yet very negative. A feeling of emptiness has taken over me. I don't know where to begin, actually for once I don't want to repeat and moan about things, but rather mention facts here. I lead a secret life, but very few people know this and those who know are people who really love me and understand me. Recently a close friend told me I was 'inconsiderate, selfish and thankless'. To my shock, I could not believe I was reading these words from him, I had only given him an advice in a nice way but he took it in a negative way. When I tried to explain to him how I meant it, he said all those words to me. He told me that it was fine by him that I go o