The Outcast
Copyright: 2008
Words: by Arabian Oud {R}
You have to be strong to take on what this world gives you, what people around gift you in good and bad situations, how they deal with you, how they use you or fulfil sincerity, what their views are, and if you don’t agree with the terms and conditions of the environment you reside in, you need to be strong enough to survive in such a circle and be the master of your own destiny. Thus breaking the bondage that holds you back and makes you feel so suffocated. How do you fight back to such a system which only makes you weaker? How do you turn around and become your own decision maker? Do you let traditions and society run over your individuality? Where do you draw the line?
The Outcast is an attempt to highlight these issues, it is a story of a girl Hessa, she is 23 years old, who belongs to a Middle Eastern society, but she always does what she believes in after endless suffering and miseries. She develops into a strong person after she is rejected by so many ways by people of her society, she decides to work on her methods and make them work in the society she lives in. She uses those methods abroad and comes out with flying colours. She is a success story but after endless loneliness and cold shoulders from people she trusted.
The story
Hessa’s fiancé Mansour is the one guy who trusts her decisions and is proud of her, they meet by coincidence, but destiny is not so kind, when she notices how Mansour is very engrossed in his work and things become thinner, she soon feels totally isolated and despite a number of times arguing over this issue, she get’s nothing but an unsatisfactory answer. It is when everything around starts to cheat her, she decides its time to move away, despite knowing this would anger a lot of people- her family, who are semi-liberal yet allowed her to study abroad, this was the first time they allowed a girl to study abroad. It was okay for the guys to study abroad but things were not very open for a girl in their family.
They were not very happy with her decision to move out and unwind her life’s threads, but it was this phase in her life Hessa needed to be apart and try and explore life from a different angle, question herself if she was wrong in the way she was? Were her demands too much to handle? Why was Mansour all of a sudden so least bothered of her existence in his life? Was he cheating her? Hessa decides to pack her bags and go far away, leaving her fiancé puzzled and then slowly loneliness overtakes his existence. Time makes him realise how his behaviour with her was wrong, how Hessa’s giving behaviour and forgiving attitude was something very rare to find. He realised that how emotions and a healthy relationship was important to maintain, this obsession with work led him to be single again. Despite the fact he kept believing in his heart he was still attached to Hessa. The fact a woman leaves a man in the middle of the road and says goodbye broke his ego.
Mansour realises how his workaholic attitude and career ambitions overlooked Hessa’s importance and he took her for granted, how when she needed him the most, he wasn’t there to give her that support.
Consequences to a delicate situation, which only meant that Hessa was now exposed to a new world, which didn’t necessarily comply with her Eastern values, but she felt liberated in a Western world, not because of the restrictions culturally, but because she was afraid to speak her mind, whenever she tried to voice against what she thought was wrong, she was dominated by other voices, which she simply didn‘t want to hear. Even though she was a very outspoken person since a very young age, she was snubbed down by her social circle, especially her cousins and friends who thought she was weird and didn’t know what she was talking about. But as things started to change with her into the academic life and then into the professional life, Hessa realised things were not as simple as seen from afar. Like many of her cousins, she was now under the pressure to get married, despite being engaged for over a year, Hessa was not prepared to get married, she had dream she wanted to accomplish, she had the world to explore. She felt wrapped in a cotton candy cradle by her family, her mother was very possessive of her, and it became extremely difficult for her to be spoon fed, she wanted to go out, take challenges on a higher level and achieve and finally come back as a winner.
Her education years abroad were her most happiest days, this is when her personality changed for the best and she picked everything around her instantly, she made a lot of friends, as though she had now wings to fly and was proud to represent her family abroad. Despite knowing that her family were semi-liberal and were not the sort who would allow a rebellion in the house, things had scattered out of their hands by now, as they had let go of their most cherished daughter.
While abroad, Hessa comes across a French-Algerian girl called ‘Halima’ who becomes her source of inspiration, they discuss politics and she sees so much passion and rage in the eyes of Halima, who was never afraid to speak her mind. Hessa questions the background Halima belongs to, she then finds out that Halima’s background was very conservative and that girls were not even allowed to tell their parents if they liked someone and wanted to marry him. But it was astonishing to see how someone like Halima broke that cage and came abroad out of that environment to work. She was living alone and her life revolved around peace campaigns and being active in promoting just causes. This truly inspired Hessa and she started engaging in such activities which were now part of her life. She never had the opportunity to do something like that back home, it was almost considered useless, up till a recent change in the country, when women became active in such activities, but then again, it all came down to the family they belonged to.
They become the best of friends and almost inseparable, so when Hessa is finally moving back home, she invites Halima to come over and have a taste of her hospitality. However, things were not going as smooth as she expected back home, the pressure to settle down was mounting up, Mansour had now become sick of being isolated without Hessa, he had realised his mistakes and would often call her up and at times apologising for his ruthless behaviour, but to Hessa this was history, even though she had forgiven him. She had simply moved on in her life and did come across someone who seemed to show an interest in her in London.
Hessa’s mother called her up one day and briefed her the current situation at home and how Mansour’s parents did not want their daughter in law abroad for too long, they wanted her back, it was almost everyone missing her back home. Hessa started seeing her dreams shatter and could not envisage being a house wife, she was so comfortable with her independent life that living with someone else was out of the question.
However, after she completed university and had some work experience abroad, it was time for her to head back. She was to get married to Mansour, they got married but she requested him that they go to London once, because she had some pending work and she would hate to leave it lingering, so he promised to go there with her.
Mansour is a very ambitious, caring yet confusing character to understand. Whenever he starts seeing his most precious Hessa slipping out of his hand, he would do possibly everything to regain her, but it is him who behaves coldly with her when she hurts him unintentionally and at times he becomes selfish and keeps bragging about his achievement and not recognising his beloved’s accomplishment. There was no appreciation, it was all about Mansour, his achievements, his problems, his this and that. No where did Hessa fit in, it was as if she was simply existing in his life for his own selfish reasons, she felt as if she was a doll , switch on, speak , when not wanted, shut up.
He creates a barrier between him and his beloved wife. There is so much communication gap that there is no place for any kind of progression in such a relationship. As Hessa complains, she is silenced down by the elders, by her mother and her aunts, who say it is very normal and that Hessa should be proud of Mansour’s achievements and that this is not a competition field where she is competing her own husband. This kept shutting her down not because she did not have a reason but because she was looking for the right time to break away.
This behaviour does hurt Hessa at times, but after she leaves for abroad, that is the reality check, their relationship was waiting for.
By the time they get to London , things change for them the newly married couple enter several brawls, Mansour feels jealous because Hessa is more confident than ever, she has transformed herself into a man’s behaviour, she is not afraid anymore, nor relying on anyone.
He feared her life in the West was the cause of all the troubles, she was no longer the delicate, patient Hessa, she was more reliant on herself and willing to take challenges. So he convinced himself in finding a job and settling down in London with her, since she was already working there before she got married. A very odd combination which was not very common for an Emirati girl to prefer working abroad when she could get a better deal within the Emirates. She was confident her previous employers would employ her, with her excellent work graph, things only seemed bright. On the other hand Mansour was facing a major dilemma, he never knew that Hessa’s exposure to the West would radically change her in 3 years. He feared losing her and if he didn’t comply to her wishes, he knew it would have nasty consequences and he was not prepared to make this fail, rather emphasised on it’s success.
He worked in London at the UAE Embassy, with his protocol and excellent qualifications and work experience, Mansour was settling down to life in London. The couple had made few friends, Hessa was really happy but it was Mansour who had hiccups at times but tried to hide his problems, thinking this isn’t the permanent stay and one day they shall return back to the Emirates.
If only life was as happier as it seemed for a moment, after a year, Mansour started getting agitated by the British weather and more over missing his family back in UAE. He did not want to spend rest of his life working abroad and away from his family. This was where Hessa had major problems, she was fearful, thinking how her freedom would be snubbed down and Mansour would turn into a possessive freak once they went back, how his dislike towards her field became obvious slowly. She was going through a brain storm, which was only pulling her towards the worst scenario, she tried to address this problem to Mansour, but he kept assuring her he wouldn’t stop her from working and that because he loves her a lot, it is natural to be jealous, but she feared being taken for granted, and how he would rather be playing cards with his friends than be with her moments when she needed him. The pressure mounted up and she collapsed and was hospitalised.
But Mansour was firm in his decision and made up his mind of heading back to the Emirates. He had moved to the UK for the sake of his beloved wife, but now he wanted a feel of his homeland. And so he called up home giving them the good news that they are coming back.
Racism issue
While Mansour and Hessa were living in the UK, there were a number of issues, and crisis were taking place. There were terrorist activities taking place, Muslims were accused and even arrested for masterminding an ugly plan to kill several innocent lives, Central London was the key targeted area. Things started getting tougher for the young couple, Mansour’s beard and moustache became the main issue now. After he was harassed by a group of thugs close to their neighbourhood and after a couple of unpleasant experiences, Hessa was now fearful for their safety.
When Hessa spoke to Mansour regarding get rid of his beard and moustache, he became furious and said that he was not a coward and would not give up his identity and how he looks. But things kept getting nastier, the police had now launched random checks and would choose people out of their choice who they thought looked like a suspect.
And so once their worst nightmares came true, one day as Mansour and Hessa were shopping in Sainsburys grocery store in Bayswater, the police was patrolling and doing their random checks, so as they stepped out of the store, the police stopped Mansour. Hessa panicked, her heart started beating as fast a roller coaster and she was scared, fearing a lot of things boggling her mind. Questions such as : What would the police do? Would they take Mansour to the police station for interrogation? Or would they let go? Would they consider him as a suspect because he has a beard?
However fate is not so unkind to them and the police let go of Mansour after a couple of minutes questioning. Even though it was a lucky escape, it doesn’t out rule the possibilities of this happening again and so finally Mansour agrees to shave off his beard and moustache for the period they are residing in the U.K.
Mansour is now very restless, as he starts feels uncomfortable leading a life in a country under so much observation, despite the perks he receives with the fantastic job he does, thinks start getting troublesome at home. He asks for a transfer at the embassy, sending him back to UAE, without even discussing this with Hessa. This leaves her very distraught and very depressed for the coming time. She starts visualising life back in the Emirates and how everyone used to taunt her and make her believe she was incapable of doing all those things she has achieved so far.
She too was facing new challenges professionally in London, she was getting more foreign exposure and was never told how outdated she looked, she had certainly had a drastic make over in her fashion sense, but life to her was more than make up and flipping through glossy magazines. She had seen the brutal side of life and felt her life was more useful in contributing to charities and doing something for the disabled. Fears kept looming and heart pulsating in sadness.
Bitterness keeps increasing, things at their household were more out of control, with issues of racism and discrimination now poking her like a sharp needle.
Within the next three weeks the couple were due to leave for the Emirates, a new problem took centre stage, Hessa fell into depression, she was worried about life back in UAE. Mansour promised to her things will not be that bad and if there were unpleasant situations, he would handle it with her and be her firm support and not change. So she agreed and they set off to their journey back home.
Back in UAE
Good news flourished like rain in the desert, Hessa had now been detached from the UAE life, she had made more European friends than any from her culture. She goes back into a culture shock when she got back to the Emirates. She started ranting about everything she saw, and she feared Mansour all along, but he knew that once she’s in the Emirates, things would happen his way. But before they left for the Emirates, there was another news waiting to be leaked, Hessa was pregnant, but she never told Mansour. She decided to abort the child. She was not prepared for a child in the mid way of her progressing career. She knew it was a sin, but she was no where near a religious person and did not care of what Mansour would make of this. She was rather satisfied knowing that no child talk was even existent in their marital life so far.
However, things did not happen as per plan, Hessa started cooking a new plot, she was introduced to Mansour’s brother Marwan's wife Khawla. Khawla was 26 years old and had lived in the Emirates whole her life, she was a very petite looking woman, with a very soft voice, as light as a feather. Hessa compared to her was very unfeminine and opposite to her personality.
Khawla married Marwan a year ago, and she was very dedicated wife, she never argued and always agreed to whatever Marwan wanted. Everyone spoke highly of her in the family but Hessa was not impressed. She kept her distance with this petite lady and wanted to engage herself in her European world of the English tea at 5pm and inviting her friends for a laugh and going for shopping. She managed to invite her friends from the UK to UAE and they would stay for a month or so, despite to Mansour’s dislike, this was not very idealistic.
Hessa had deliberately tried to distance herself from the orthodox way of life in the Emirates, she had spent all her life trying to please everyone up till she got her biggest break, to leak into Europe and fly away, escaping the taunts and taken for granted. She was now so confident in approaching anyone, and she was successful in her career. She began working in a prestigious organisation in the Emirates. Mansour longed to spend quality time with her but her ongoing behaviour creating endless barriers was a way of her getting back to him for all that time he had neglected her.
She remembered all those moments when she was deliberately ignored. There were moments after their marriage in the Emirates, when Mansour was busy in Majlis for long hours and promised Hessa he would accompany her on a shopping spree, but he never did.
At times Hessa had an outburst, feeling so tied down and dependent waiting for him, when she didn’t have to, but she did, because she wanted to go out with her husband and spend quality time. All this seemed like an endless effort to bring them closer, but Mansour’s ignorance became the centre of attention, with his family always making him realise this was not the sort of behaviour you put up when you are bored. They even questioned him if he was happy marrying Hessa, because it wasn’t as though they forced him, they did not choose her, he chose her.
There are many other reasons which accumulate with time and thus compel Hessa to make the biggest decision of her life, is she willing to be another Xerox of traditional values, or is she going to be the woman who will follow her heart and not just another stamped Eastern woman. Is she capable of working in a male dominated field such as media? Will her friends ever acknowledge her hidden talents and admit her way of thinking isn’t wrong? Will she make new friends in an unknown land and finally come back home to be the woman of her words and not change only to please others but herself? Will she be accepted for being different in a society such as the one where she resides? Will her Western ideology comply with her somewhat Eastern thoughts? Does it have to be so hard in being different. Is woman only a fragment and unrecognised in her achievements?
At times Hessa had an outburst, feeling so tied down and dependent waiting for him, when she didn’t have to, but she did, because she wanted to go out with her husband and spend quality time. All this seemed like an endless effort to bring them closer, but Mansour’s ignorance became the centre of attention, with his family always making him realise this was not the sort of behaviour you put up when you are bored. They even questioned him if he was happy marrying Hessa, because it wasn’t as though they forced him, they did not choose her, he chose her.
There are many other reasons which accumulate with time and thus compel Hessa to make the biggest decision of her life, is she willing to be another Xerox of traditional values, or is she going to be the woman who will follow her heart and not just another stamped Eastern woman. Is she capable of working in a male dominated field such as media? Will her friends ever acknowledge her hidden talents and admit her way of thinking isn’t wrong? Will she make new friends in an unknown land and finally come back home to be the woman of her words and not change only to please others but herself? Will she be accepted for being different in a society such as the one where she resides? Will her Western ideology comply with her somewhat Eastern thoughts? Does it have to be so hard in being different. Is woman only a fragment and unrecognised in her achievements?
Hessa’s marital life get’s messed and she finally decides to pin it down and end it with a divorce. She was not pleased to confine her life to the commands of others. Being so obedient never got her anywhere, because end of the day no one had the time to even recognise her importance. Even when she was abroad, her accomplishments were ignored and not considered as ‘ a big deal’, it was simply seen as her going abroad for a long vacation and preparing herself for a life back in the Emirates.
Hessa’s story is full of emotions, separation, misunderstandings, compromise, turmoil. sacrifices and finally achieving and proving to people she is not an ‘outcast’ as they label her, she is but what she is, an individual who chooses to live life her way and is not ashamed for being what she is.
Drug addiction
Despite coming back to Emirates, Hessa finally thought this is the beginning of the destruction of her marital life, she decided to get as far as she could from Mansour. She just wanted to lock her self away from all that around her, she was no longer interested in the family gatherings and her even taking time to talk to Mansour, or even wait for him. She was regularly in touch with Halima and she even asked her to come over, because she was almost close to a breakdown. Her depression kept mounting and she started taking drugs, this was her hidden side, she managed to buy a packet of drugs in London, as Mansour was busy at work, she managed to feel the agony of her helpless self and managed to get hold of a drug dealer. She had bought a packet of pills which would not be detected as potential dubious drug. She first took the snort of ecstasy in London, her mood swings just busted out and this was another reason the couple were fighting.
Somewhere deep inside her heart, she heard herself and told herself no matter what happens, she will finish this relationship which is so dominated by ‘I’ of Mansour. Hessa got in touch with one of her publishers and decided to write on regular basis for them and even requested them to commission her stories that would include as much travel, even if it means outside the Emirates. There was a constant hustle and bustle now, she was more busy than ever. She did not miss anyone, she was simply traumatised and agonised every time she thought of Mansour. Khawla called Hessa, being the nice and sweet character she portrayed, Hessa could not stand her sight and simply ignored her. Khawla being prim and proper and the idealistic Khaleeji wife material chose to discuss this with her dear husband Marwan. Marwan brought this to the attention of Mansour. On hearing this, Mansour was very furious, he brought this to the notice of Hessa and questioned why she was behaving as such. Hessa would simply say she was ‘ not interested’ in associating herself with such a circle. She would then plug her I-pod earphones and ignore everything around. On one occasion Mansour got hold of her arm firmly and slapped her. He was unable to tolerate anymore mood swings of his wife. Domestic violence was certainly now a big issue, Hessa had a weapon against Mansour. The elders objected to this kind of practice but this also brought Hessa under the microscope and she was being criticised for not fulfilling her role as a good wife. One of Mansour’s aunts even said that if she kept behaving like this, there is no shortage for them to find another wife for Mansour.
This further shocked Hessa and made her more bitter and she started planning her life ahead, a life without Mansour. Even though she wanted to finish this alliance, but she had always hoped that Mansour would learn of his mistakes and amend and embrace their relationship more open heartedly. However, this left her destitute and she thought of no other option but to leave the Emirates. But it was not as simple as that. She had to look for a job and all this was not possible without the help of some of her closest friends. The guy who fancied Hessa in London still enquired about her through Halima and he found out how unhappy she was. His name was Uthman, he was still single and was now working for the aviation industry. He was deeply saddened to hear that a bright and loving person such as Hessa had so many hurdles and not a day of solace and joy left by her doorstep. He was looking forward to seeing Hessa back.
Despite the domestic violence issued fading away, the rising tensions between Mansour and Hessa’s daily life was simply chaotic.
Even if Mansour made a move towards Hessa, she would simply distance away and even taunt that how he insulted her in front of the whole family and even how his aunt threatened to get him married to another woman. In a rage, he said ‘ Yes, I will do that if you don’t stop behaving like a spoilt brat.’ Hessa walked out of the room and Mansour followed her, trying to stop her, but she took the cab and whisked off to be left alone. Later, he kept calling her and saying, he didn’t really mean it and he only said it because he didn’t want to lose her and he could never think of another woman other than her. Things would calm down for a few days but then something or the other would erupt, this was certainly running towards pure destruction.
Halima phoned Hessa and told her that if she wanted to work with her previous employers, they would take her back, Halima had done all the leg work and because Hessa’s previous employers didn’t want her to leave in the first place, they were more than happy to accept her back.
Few days later, Hessa went into a silent mode and she kept thinking of her life without Mansour and if she was really willing to move out and spend a new life back in her favourite U.K. She kept recollecting all that unfairness poured on her and even when she tried to mix with everyone how everyone ignored her existence and treated her like trash. The man who she thought loved her was very much consumed in work and his own circle. She knew what she had to do, so the decision was made. Her airline ticket was bought and her visa was issued. Everything was done in such a way that no one would ever assume she was going to run away. She had once threatened Mansour that she would publish her own story, but it was then Mansour had threatened to tell everyone that she was a bad character woman and she had a lot of male friends. It was then Hessa bragged about being pregnant in London but decided to abort the child and this shocked Mansour to death. He was in rage and slapped her so hard that it left a bruise on her face. He cursed her, told her that certainly he would marry another woman and make sure she isn’t like her and then left the room. This was a final nail poked into the heart of their relationship.
The next day in the early morning hours of Friday, right when it was the beginning of a blessed Jumaa, as everyone offered their Fajr prayers, Hessa offered her last prayer at a place she once considered as ‘ home’. As it was time for the afternoon prayers and
everyone was busy to leave, the women were busy preparing afternoon lunch, Hessa excused herself by saying she had to buy something important from the nearest patrol pump and drop some of her friend’s outfits to her place, it was some of them ordered from London and she hadn’t met this friend for a very long time since she came back to UAE. She quickly wore her abaya and Sheila and slipped into the car, it was one of her most trustworthy drivers who was taking her away to the airport. Her luggage was then loaded and she was off to the airport. After the afternoon Jumaa prayer was over, Mansour was shocked not to find Hessa in the house. He enquired and the servants told him that she had gone to drop off some outfits to a friend’s place and so on.
Mansour called Hessa, as she picked up the phone, she convincingly told him that she was going to Jumeirah (in Dubai) to drop the outfits to a friend’s place. Things just didn’t seem right, everything seemed fishy. Questions like, why all of a sudden, it is not very normal for her to just go out at this hour of Friday.
Hessa’s flight was scheduled at 5pm and she had to arrive at the airport at three hours prior to departure. As she got to the Dubai International airport, she stepped out and felt a sign of relief and could see her freedom closer.
As her luggage was loaded on to the trolley, Mansour called again and this time he was very curious as he heard flight announcements in the background, he knew Hessa was lying and by now he knew she was leaving. He left for the airport, in the hope to stop her from leaving, all those moments of love and efforts, bitterness, distances and pain summed up , but by now it was too late. Hessa checked in and she was waiting for her flight to be called, there was till two hours to the flight. Mansour knew people at the airport, who helped her find his wife, so he made his way to find her. They made announcements on his behalf for Hessa. Even though she wanted to ignore these announcements, she knew there was no harm in going forward, so she did. As she went forward, she saw the worried face of her husband, but there were no regrets on Hessa’s face, she was determined to leave. Speechless and not coming terms with the fact that Hessa was leaving his life forever and applying for a divorce already, Mansour simply stared at her. There was no remorse on her face, she told him only if Mansour knew where he went wrong and stopped picking on her faults all the time, the relationship would have worked. If they were more like best friends rather than playing the roles of a conventional husband and wife, and if he took the time out to understand her, things would be different. She reminds him of the day when it was his birthday and how she made arrangements to celebrate, everything was grand, elegance and grandeur sparked but there was no one to share it with. Mansour was too busy with his cousins and went on a sheesha spree with them. When it was her own birthday, this totally slipped out of his mind, it broke her heart. Every small situation mounted up to a big chaos, it was enough to leave, after constant reassurances and make herself believe everything is going to be fine and normal, situations like these escalated their relationship like a sour grape.
There were countless such situations and over all, she pointed out he never tried to even care for her, he only wanted to obtain her, knowing she is there for him, but not giving anything in return. It was selfish of him, he was self centred and he didn’t know how to run a relationship. Moments were he would rather prefer playing billiards, polo, horse riding, falconry and watching football. He was too consumed in himself and had no real time for his wife. He pretended as a obedient son but not as an obedient husband. There was only so much that Hessa could tolerate and this was the end of her tolerance, she simply wanted to break through without hearing to anything else that may sound okay for the moment and come the next day, the routine would repeat. She knew it was a vicious cycle and that all her hopes and expectations had crashed. If it were about her expectations falling short because she did not make any efforts, that would simply be unfair, as there were many occasions where she did make efforts to keep the flame going of their relationship.
This was enough to conclude the conversation with a final seal that Mansour would soon be hearing from Hessa’s lawyer, and he should soon be receiving the divorce papers, so now he is free to marry whoever he wants and everyone will be happy at his side.
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