Sometimes... just sometimes when a relationship is under a strain...
Sometimes, a relationship goes through a very
rough patch, bump, curve, phase, stage, whatever you would like to call it, it
can be pretty daunting!! In the last few months I have been witnessing a lot of
various stories that I cannot name for personal reasons, plus there is the
confidentiality aspect that I would like to respect and maintain. However,
there is something I can definitely do, use these stories in a generalized
manner to describe the kind of painful and damaging things I have come to experience
and learn about life, particularly relationships.
To begin with, all I want to say that at times when the strain of a relationship gets too much to deal with, it will go through a phase where it will crack, snap or break.. Some may consider it to be the end of a relationship, but for others it could be re-assessing the relationship and looking at one's own mistakes and flaws and how things could improve and how to go about appreciating each other rather than always looking for faults in each other and trying to attain perfection, which is impossible for us humans to attain, since only God Himself is Perfect. Unfortunately, we human beings are way too selfish than one can imagine.
For instance, when we do not have someone to love, we pray to God to give us someone who would whole-heartedly love us and accept us despite our flaws and stupidities. When we finally find someone, we do not appreciate them, when things progress and we get married we further complicate everything. For example- men will start straying or seeking pleasure and temporary companionship in the form of another lady-interest who will be the so called 'healing' or 'cure' to their scrambled heart. Whilst, men tend to blame their wives for being the source of problems, they blame them for nagging, fighting and constantly complaining, what they fail to see is how they are the root of the problems and they fail to rectify this improper behavior.
Men feel it's okay for them to go out and find themselves a 'female friend' or 'a temporary companion' but when the same act is performed by their other half ' their wife'- this act is strongly abhorred and women are accused of being characterless and immoral and therefore divorce should be immediately issued. I would never patronize the idea of a wife going out and straying in the way her husband does, not because she cannot- there are many immoral women out there who cheat their kind and rightful husbands who can be described as 'real men'. I would strongly oppose the idea of any woman going behind the back of her husband and cheating him, even in a weak moment. Yes, one may question, well why not? If my husband can go around and not care about me and hurt me deliberately, why am I obliged to maintain this dignity, honor and tag of being 'his wife' when my rights are simply crushed? The answer to this comes in many forms. Firstly, for women, regardless of whatever faith or religion they belong to, no religion teaches women to deceive and betray their husband. Secondly, in Islam particularly, a woman has responsibilities, not only towards her husband, but her children and family respectively. Furthermore, if a woman started going around and 'pimped' there would be no difference between her and the person betraying her trust. Thirdly, Allah punishes those who deliberately plays and break someone's heart for their own personal interest. Fourthly we have no right to betray someone's trust, especially not our family or a heart that loves. Fifthly, what goes around comes around. Sixthly, the meaning of loving and being married means patience, compromise, understanding, sacrifice and respect. Each of these elements has to be maintained. No relationship escapes the clutches of difficulties.
Some people believe in just breaking a relationship sooner because they feel it is the easy way out and this way the pain and sorrow will simply demolish and both parties will be better off without each other. What really irritates me and annoys me about men in general is how when you give your 200 percent to them and make all those sacrifices for them, they will slap your face by saying ' you deserve someone better than me'. It is as if this signature line has been programmed in the minds and hearts of men. I wrote this blog relating to online relationship statuses a long time ago, but I feel the need to draw light upon it in this blog too because it is relevant in this context. What makes me really angry is the way married men go online and pretend to be single and despite the fact they know their wife is on their Facebook, they will keep adding girls for the sake of fun or 'being friends only'. I am sorry I beg to differ that men should have the liberty of going around and playing around, they feel it's okay for them to turn up the doorstep about 8 months or 1 year and simply say ' I AM SORRY' and the stupid wife will forgive him given the fact she loves him. Is that her mistake? Probably it is, not because she is too kind, but she has been granted with compassion and a soft heart and the ability to tolerate, surpass a man. If God were to give a man a woman's heart, they would understand how difficult it is to be a woman and how hard it is to deal with infidelity. The funny thing is, a man would rather chase an ‘outgoing’ woman who is the wrong kind of company for him, he would rather have a seductive girlfriend and when he wants to get married, he looks for the most decent woman, what a total hypocrisy. You may feel my blog is targeted against men, no I am not a feminist totally but I do strongly feel against all these inequalities women are experiencing when they do not even deserve it. The sad part is, it is these men who were dying to get married to these women in the first place, trying to win their heart and when they finally do, they either lie to their parents about their relationship with them, change their behavior for the worse & simply start betraying. In essence, no form of responsibility is taken. For all the male readers out on the Internet, remember, no woman likes to moan or nag unless she is not given a reason to. We women are only in need of ‘genuine love, care, respect and attention’ not ‘designer bags, Jewellery or things’, these materialistic things cannot give us hugs and embrace us in our tough battles of life which are mostly sealed behind our lips.
To begin with, all I want to say that at times when the strain of a relationship gets too much to deal with, it will go through a phase where it will crack, snap or break.. Some may consider it to be the end of a relationship, but for others it could be re-assessing the relationship and looking at one's own mistakes and flaws and how things could improve and how to go about appreciating each other rather than always looking for faults in each other and trying to attain perfection, which is impossible for us humans to attain, since only God Himself is Perfect. Unfortunately, we human beings are way too selfish than one can imagine.
For instance, when we do not have someone to love, we pray to God to give us someone who would whole-heartedly love us and accept us despite our flaws and stupidities. When we finally find someone, we do not appreciate them, when things progress and we get married we further complicate everything. For example- men will start straying or seeking pleasure and temporary companionship in the form of another lady-interest who will be the so called 'healing' or 'cure' to their scrambled heart. Whilst, men tend to blame their wives for being the source of problems, they blame them for nagging, fighting and constantly complaining, what they fail to see is how they are the root of the problems and they fail to rectify this improper behavior.
Men feel it's okay for them to go out and find themselves a 'female friend' or 'a temporary companion' but when the same act is performed by their other half ' their wife'- this act is strongly abhorred and women are accused of being characterless and immoral and therefore divorce should be immediately issued. I would never patronize the idea of a wife going out and straying in the way her husband does, not because she cannot- there are many immoral women out there who cheat their kind and rightful husbands who can be described as 'real men'. I would strongly oppose the idea of any woman going behind the back of her husband and cheating him, even in a weak moment. Yes, one may question, well why not? If my husband can go around and not care about me and hurt me deliberately, why am I obliged to maintain this dignity, honor and tag of being 'his wife' when my rights are simply crushed? The answer to this comes in many forms. Firstly, for women, regardless of whatever faith or religion they belong to, no religion teaches women to deceive and betray their husband. Secondly, in Islam particularly, a woman has responsibilities, not only towards her husband, but her children and family respectively. Furthermore, if a woman started going around and 'pimped' there would be no difference between her and the person betraying her trust. Thirdly, Allah punishes those who deliberately plays and break someone's heart for their own personal interest. Fourthly we have no right to betray someone's trust, especially not our family or a heart that loves. Fifthly, what goes around comes around. Sixthly, the meaning of loving and being married means patience, compromise, understanding, sacrifice and respect. Each of these elements has to be maintained. No relationship escapes the clutches of difficulties.
Some people believe in just breaking a relationship sooner because they feel it is the easy way out and this way the pain and sorrow will simply demolish and both parties will be better off without each other. What really irritates me and annoys me about men in general is how when you give your 200 percent to them and make all those sacrifices for them, they will slap your face by saying ' you deserve someone better than me'. It is as if this signature line has been programmed in the minds and hearts of men. I wrote this blog relating to online relationship statuses a long time ago, but I feel the need to draw light upon it in this blog too because it is relevant in this context. What makes me really angry is the way married men go online and pretend to be single and despite the fact they know their wife is on their Facebook, they will keep adding girls for the sake of fun or 'being friends only'. I am sorry I beg to differ that men should have the liberty of going around and playing around, they feel it's okay for them to turn up the doorstep about 8 months or 1 year and simply say ' I AM SORRY' and the stupid wife will forgive him given the fact she loves him. Is that her mistake? Probably it is, not because she is too kind, but she has been granted with compassion and a soft heart and the ability to tolerate, surpass a man. If God were to give a man a woman's heart, they would understand how difficult it is to be a woman and how hard it is to deal with infidelity. The funny thing is, a man would rather chase an ‘outgoing’ woman who is the wrong kind of company for him, he would rather have a seductive girlfriend and when he wants to get married, he looks for the most decent woman, what a total hypocrisy. You may feel my blog is targeted against men, no I am not a feminist totally but I do strongly feel against all these inequalities women are experiencing when they do not even deserve it. The sad part is, it is these men who were dying to get married to these women in the first place, trying to win their heart and when they finally do, they either lie to their parents about their relationship with them, change their behavior for the worse & simply start betraying. In essence, no form of responsibility is taken. For all the male readers out on the Internet, remember, no woman likes to moan or nag unless she is not given a reason to. We women are only in need of ‘genuine love, care, respect and attention’ not ‘designer bags, Jewellery or things’, these materialistic things cannot give us hugs and embrace us in our tough battles of life which are mostly sealed behind our lips.
It is heartbreaking to see these married men
betray their wives and more over make their wives look like the ‘bad person’.
I shall continue Part 2 in the next blog!
Peace
*Arabian Oud (R)*
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