It took me a long while before I resumed to normality, coming out of that blurry world, surrounding me with my desires, ever wanting wishes. A world, which could only exist in the Here after, as I looked forward to my death, nothing more pleased me then the reunion with my beloved.. the Supreme being.. this world soon became a prison and my body a cage... for everytime I have been so sincere, I have been hurt so immensely, for every time I tried to be a hard crusted arrogant individual, I found myself very alienated..
There were times when the pen would stop favouring me and all those words remained in my mind... deep thinking.. then finding faults in myself.. then those moments of shedding tears, then wiping away those tears and replacing by that innocent smile... behaving like a child, escaping the clutches of adulthood and finding more solace in the purity and honesty of childhood..
Trust is something so pivotal to every relationship, building up trust takes forever but it simply takes a second to crush it into pieces and then fade away into insecurity.....
Suddenly, everything around me seems like a lie, the dream is over and I am back to reality, it hurts, for I can not handle it, I am trying, my eyes are searching for that one face that could help me but where is this one face?
Dayarr-e-ghair main tujhey saadaa bhee deyein to kahan, tu mill bhee jata to tujh sey kya kehtey,
Translating
Where should I search for thee in this unknown land, where should I call out your name, when your whereabouts are vague, even if I were to find out, what would I possibly say? Would you understand my pain.. and comfort me by giving your shoulder?
My condition resembles the Sufi, who is so intoxicated in remembering His Lord, nothing around him pleases anymore.. for human relationships have given him nothing but pain and everytime he tried to rise higher he feel deeper..
For not all five fingers are the same, similar is the case with human beings but would anyone even try harder to prove to someone already insecure that they aren't the same...
Faithless is my condition, when the pen is betraying me and misquoting my mind...every inch of my soul is overtaken by a sense of melancholy and all I could wish was peace and true love... no childish games, not playing hard to get, no cheating, no lies, everything pure like that white robe on his body, stainless and his skins glows, I can sense his true love for me.. but as I reach out to touch him, he vanishes away... it's been this story for a few days now.., he makes his presence obvious and then plays hide and seek..where should I search for thee, when you are so alive in my feelings and senses..
Could you erase those nightmares from my mind and make me feel safe, tell me it's all going to be fine and he won't come back again to shatter my dreams...
When in moments of pain, it was your face that comforted me and put a smile back on my face.. thoughts of your kindness melted my heart...hoping it would be sincere and no secrets within..
If thee shall return to where thee belong O' beloved, know that I shall be waiting for you with open arms...but for now I shall remain in my solitude and my world...
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