ArabianOud {R}

I am feeling lost for words and more over I have never felt so miserable, unhappy and wrecked from within myself. I feel a world has totally destroyed and I have to build it all over again from the beginning. To others I may seem a bit normal but I know that I am not the same person who could laugh at jokes and pretend to be a cool girl. I am totally destroyed. To my enemies this may be a good news but they too will have their down fall and their bad time shall soon come. I speak evil for them for I believe an eye should be punished with an eye, and that is the law of nature and religion. For blood is blood equal. I have been surrounded by so much darkness of the environment of the constant negative stuff I hear and take in that I really am not sure of my own self anymore. One moment I am laughing the other the tears will not stop. I am trying to hang in side & be strong but the more quickly one gets destroyed, the more harder and longer it takes to build back, especially if your e...

Let this pain remain, For there is sweetness in suffering And it keeps giving me hopes, I am shattered from within, But my heart’s accustomed, I can only hear see myself around, In all those corner of this house, Those mirrors portray myself, I am with his memories, Nothing but sweeter than that, His face, his voice, his words, There is no stopping no more, For this pain keeps increasing, My tears flow helplessly, It’s turned me so cold now, I can not smile ever again, I can not feel the same again, Feeling so punished and alone, Misery prevails over this soul, And this pain remains. ------------

Ya Fas Sweet as honey, pure as crystal, Laughter as innocent as a child, Sincerity as pure as an angel, Believer of honesty and faith, Your my best friend and angel, Ya Fas Thinking of you makes me smile, Your words hold back humor, Every word you utter is a spark, Your intelligence so grand, Your eyes so deep as an ocean, Your friendship so precious, Like a diamond so precious, In moments of pain, You stood to hold me back, Cannot forget those moments ever, Your my advisor, my teacher, Ya Fas You are an angel with no wings, But you are heart is so kind, Ya Fas I thank God when He gave me, As a real friend, Hope we remain friends forever And ever and ever. Ameen.

It all began in the arms of love, It casts a spell on me so deeply, Makes me fall in love and Love damaged me so deeply, Feel conflict and so much grief, There is a constant war inside my heart, I kept believing what my eyes showed me, I kept believing those words so honestly, O’ what a fool was I to be so innocent, And believe one plain blindly, There was an endless wait ahead, Kept waiting to see him, But no sign, Kept waiting to hear from him, But no sign, Kept waiting when I shouldn’t have, Excuses, neglect, reject took over love, Where did love even vanish away? O’ how those days and nights have passed, It’s been an endless wait, Patience running dry and eyes so tearful, Can’t cry no more, my eyes refuse, If only I heard them before, Desires wrapped in reject, neglect and pain, Felt so stupid standing here all alone, Burnt desires and chose silence, Walked away from this feeling, And told myself it was a dream, Coz real men don’t play games, Love’s story is tragic yet powerful

My heart is beating faster, my eyes are restless, my soul is in so much pain, suddenly, there is darkness everywhere. I reach out to touch his shadow, but he's gone. It's been games so far, then I wake up, it was a dream, they were all nightmares, bad dreams. I am so scared, ,my heart is sinking. I can feel my surrounding so empty. Since he left, the world seemed so cold. He's no more, it was announced one week ago. At first, my expressions were frozen, I didn't know how to react, with me it's always been I cry after a delay when something big happens in my life. I cried, I couldn't stop crying. He's died, he's away from the pain of this world. In the past, I tried to imagine life after death. What would happen if I died one day? Nothing, to the pain it may cause my loved ones, other than that another human is gone. But they say, killing one human is to kill man kind. My thinking has become so negative after his death. It brought me to look at life in a ...

I happened to be invited to a Persian restaurant in Dubai, UAE called 'Hatem' which was an extremely tasty delicious restaurant. A must go and the most tasty matter was the 'roti' the bread that is eaten with cheese or jiben.

I couldn't help writing a blog for so many days, life has been so busy and more hectic than ever. But thank God for that. I am happy doing what I am and a lot of things in life seem stable. But for the past few days or weeks I have been in an inner turmoil.The most hardest thing at times in ones life is when they can not pour out their inner emotions to people around them, especially those they love and a re close. Sadly these relationships wire you so much that you fear losing them and you want to just display a very normal and very composed pattern. When all ears turn deaf or maybe your words stop churning and you end up in a corner which is confined for yourself. Normality, it seems flips and it turns you into an insane human being. You lose your mind and every therapeutic effort seems a waste. You need to wake up and ask yourself where your going wrong. Sometimes the people you come across are simply not worth your time. Do not rush into emotions, if you get an equal vibe tha...

Ever since this connection began, My heart pounded in so much pain, At first it felt so special and deep, Never felt this way ever before, Love you play another trick again, Trying to trap me into this game, I have had my share of sorrows, Can you forget me and find another, Love felt so special and so right, But I was wrong all over again, It was all about him and never me, Trying to make this work so right, Everyday that passed brought hopes, And Every night saw them die in silence, They call me a carefree spirit all along, Full of life and never ever giving up, But I was human enough to weaken, Then distances fell in between, And I found myself alone everyday, Attention you say I am after, It wasn’t suppose to be about me or you, Thought it was something called love, Then Why did you take us away from each other, Why did you portray me as a demon? Making me wait all those long nights, You kept cheating me, yet you refuse, Playing with my heart and those mind games, Patience running ...

They played a game with me for so long, Wrapped so beautifully in such a disguise, If only, I really knew what was in your heart, If only, I could read your mind out so clearly, Words, you confused me so wonderfully, I kept falling deeper in them, losing myself, One day you say you’re my best friend, The other day he says he loved me forever, Following that, she said she really cared, My lips tore not in it’s dryness but in pain, I could no longer say those words again, No longer could I bear hearing them again, I could hardly call anyone my real friend, Or even my real companion this time, I let them walk in my life so smoothly, Oh what an utter fool was I to believe them, If I really knew what was in their hearts, I would never initiate this friendship ever, I would never ever give away my heart, You poke me and call me nasty and bad, Picking faults in me and calling me lame, You call me old fashioned and so emotional, You never bothered knowing the real me, Touching my shadow and ca...

This photograph was taken by me at Selfridges, London's leading mall. It is one of the most happening places there. I noticed this guy being painted and I am like what's going on. So the next thing I notice it's a top of a guy! They do such a great job, it looks so real. I wanted to take a photograph of him but I was so shy, and it was so crowded at the mall. I was hiding behind people and took this pic, my friend was with me and she said if I was shy enough to do that I could ask her to take the pic. But nontheless I did not give up. April 2008

Tied in traditions and promises, Of sincerity & long waited nights, Holding back till I could resist, Letting the soul bleed for long, But not anymore, Pinned down as a copy, I am not your average girl, I broke the cage and ran free, Voices calling me selfish, this and that, But none knew the real me, Your disheartened coz you lost, You thought you got me, Holding me, Sands slipped away when palms opened, I am free spirited yet so calm, These noises have surpassed my tolerance, Break away, voices chanting now, No, I don’t need to tell you again, Because it ain’t worth it no more, I know those words coming from you, Promising not to make the same mistake, But the next morning, it will be the same story, I cared enough for your existence, To hold you close to me for long, Never let you walk off like that, But you got it all wrong again, Overlooking my existence here, So I am running away silently, As you sleep and dream brightly, I am shattering your dreams apart, Breaking our promi...

It's been ages since I last penned down something for the blog. I did happen to write a new poem, but didn't manage to post it yet, hopefully I will do so soon. This month's blog revolves around a lot of things, but specifically I would like to talk about 'the preception of depression and health conditions going wrong' by people who matter to us. For those people who have religiously read my blogs and known me through my writing, they must have certainly noticed that 'depression' has been the keyword in my works. It's very unfortunate that depression has been a very seen as a very 'complicated' issue. Like any other disease, it is a disease of the mind that begins to over take your existence, there are vicious cycles that cause paranoia and a lot more. When your in a relationship, people do not even bother to understand what your going through, they probably think ' depression' is a defense mechanism to cause fights. Depression like diab...

Yes yes, it's my 26th birthday! oh my God, time flys by like sand, but nonetheless I have gone through retro and coming of the age of 26 is not bothering me as I am getting older or wiser.. it makes me hit back and think of life totally differently..Special thanks to my baby sis for baking this cake.

Life as a busker or a street singer is very challenging yet very struggling, one of the many performing all around London and probably around the UK for a living. So much talent out there but so less is acknowledged. Shot: by me London tube station

You never had the time to hear me out,You never took my presence for real,You never treated me with that respect,You never ever noticed my emotions,You never came back to wipe my tears,I stood by you through thick and thin,To take the burden of your pain forever,To be your ever lasting sunshine in pain,I waited for you in those late hours of night,And then hoping to see you in the morning,But you were never there for me,You had other things to keep you occupied,Things better than me, and me as secondary,Expecting me to understand and compromise,But no one ever asked me what I wanted,No one treated me like a real princess,No one even know who the real me was,You never had the time to look into my eyes,You never bothered to even know me better,I became worthless and taken for granted,Everyday came and went past in hopes,Hoping things would change for the best,But nothing happened,Nothing seemed to change,I wish you stood where I stood for long,In that burning heat and waiting for you,I w...