Skip to main content

In darkness by Arabian Oud {R}



My heart is beating faster, my eyes are restless, my soul is in so much pain, suddenly, there is darkness everywhere. I reach out to touch his shadow, but he's gone. It's been games so far, then I wake up, it was a dream, they were all nightmares, bad dreams. I am so scared, ,my heart is sinking. I can feel my surrounding so empty. Since he left, the world seemed so cold. He's no more, it was announced one week ago. At first, my expressions were frozen, I didn't know how to react, with me it's always been I cry after a delay when something big happens in my life. I cried, I couldn't stop crying. He's died, he's away from the pain of this world. In the past, I tried to imagine life after death. What would happen if I died one day? Nothing, to the pain it may cause my loved ones, other than that another human is gone. But they say, killing one human is to kill man kind. My thinking has become so negative after his death. It brought me to look at life in a different way, value relationships and fellow friends around but I have also come to see how true friendship is so rare in this world. I have been suffering from an extreme kind of depression. I don't know if I will ever come out of it or not. it's hit me soo deeply, I don't know how to deal with it. The more positive i think the more negative things happen. Living in London has made me so negative, to add more pain, there is the recession misery that is affecting people on a large scale.

There are times when i am happy, then there are moments where I am more in tears in my heart than outside. I feel as if all my tears have dried, I can't cry. I want to scream, yes I want to scream loudly, because I feel sometimes people close do not understand us fully, they always misunderstand. They keep thinking we are picking faults in them. it's not that, the condition I suffer from has brought more losses than profits. I have been in more physical and mental pain than ever. His death made me realise that even the most intelligent people in the world can be alone and that true love and friendship is only rare. I dont know where all the good people went. Where is the guy who could go to any pain to be with his lover? Where did trust go? Where did all the good things go! In the age of the Internet and the rubbish online communities, it has destroyed more people than built. I am a technology person but I don;t support all of it.

Atleast the best thing about the Internet is that I have this page where I can write and express myself.

And for now, i remain in this darkness, do not try to touch my shadow, it hurts being touched being told this or that. I will keep hope and faith in Allah that one day all this pain shall vanish, one day my love shall come true, he will make me realise that I am not all that bad to be with. One day I will trust people again, One day I will be my old self again. One day I hope my love lasts forever EnshAllah. One day !

One day I will find my way out and live in peace

Peace

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

FOREVER LOVE- DOES IT EXIST?

I often ask myself,does true love exist? out of curiosity, this question hoovers around my mind, coz I have seen the majority cry over in love rather than be happy in love. When your alone, you wish you had someone and when you have that someone, your either happy or miserable, soon the short lived happiness turns ugly and all that feeling of love and compassion is fake. I am a non believer in love, but I ask you all, do you believe in love? do you even think something such as 'true love' exists? I would admit, I have come across few very few people who have fought for their love and stood firm and remained sincere and loyal through out.. but then, that's so rare to find, like they say 'true love is soo rare to find',like good things and people are rare to find. Once we lose them, it's then we realise their value, we never value something or someone till we have them, coz we think, we don't have to worry about anything and will never lose them. This is a wro...
3 comments
Read more

CAMPAIGN AGAINST FORCED MARRIAGES & HONOR KILLINGS IN THE UK - RUN BY ARABIAN OUD {R} -PLEASE JOIN

Over the past few years, especially recently, there have been a lot of honor killings in the UK, most of them are linked to forced marriages, and not surprisingly, these honor killings have been committed by Muslim people. Recently, a Pakistani girl was brutally murdered by her father, brother and cousin brother, meanwhile her mother and small neices were watching the murder. the neices as small as 2 and 4 yrs old were compelled to stand and watch, so if they tried to do something in future, this would be their end. There have been numerous cases, call it illiteracy or plain 'Jahiliya' ignorance, which results in killing their flesh and blood. Me and my friends have decided to set up a campaign against honor killing and forced marriages, and convince the British government that there is a need to impose a strict law which condemns such barbaric activities. and there shall be severe punishment. In previous editions it was mentioned, the government wouldnt impose a law, becoz it ...
1 comment
Read more

The most hardest thing by Arabian Oud {R}

I couldn't help writing a blog for so many days, life has been so busy and more hectic than ever. But thank God for that. I am happy doing what I am and a lot of things in life seem stable. But for the past few days or weeks I have been in an inner turmoil.The most hardest thing at times in ones life is when they can not pour out their inner emotions to people around them, especially those they love and a re close. Sadly these relationships wire you so much that you fear losing them and you want to just display a very normal and very composed pattern. When all ears turn deaf or maybe your words stop churning and you end up in a corner which is confined for yourself. Normality, it seems flips and it turns you into an insane human being. You lose your mind and every therapeutic effort seems a waste. You need to wake up and ask yourself where your going wrong. Sometimes the people you come across are simply not worth your time. Do not rush into emotions, if you get an equal vibe tha...
1 comment
Read more