ArabianOud {R}

It took me a long while before I resumed to normality, coming out of that blurry world, surrounding me with my desires, ever wanting wishes. A world, which could only exist in the Here after, as I looked forward to my death, nothing more pleased me then the reunion with my beloved.. the Supreme being.. this world soon became a prison and my body a cage... for everytime I have been so sincere, I have been hurt so immensely, for every time I tried to be a hard crusted arrogant individual, I found myself very alienated.. There were times when the pen would stop favouring me and all those words remained in my mind... deep thinking.. then finding faults in myself.. then those moments of shedding tears, then wiping away those tears and replacing by that innocent smile... behaving like a child, escaping the clutches of adulthood and finding more solace in the purity and honesty of childhood.. Trust is something so pivotal to every relationship, building up trust takes forever but it simply ta...

From top-down: British phone booths, Bayswater, London, Painting of Marylin Monroe (at Hyde Park)

I kept gazing in the mirror for long hours, As I comb my hair, I feel so cold and corpse like, Everything seems so distant and old now, Laughter replaced by sadness, Craziness replaced by soberness, Excitment replaced by coldness, The pen's ink has dried and I am still writing in blood, Turn off the lights for darkness comforts me, Everything alien sends chills down my spine, I close my eyes and his presence is haunting me, He said he loved me, but he lied, for he never cared, I tried to hide from his shadows, but there's always a comeback, Restlessness, disappointments, cruel words and betrayal are back, Expectations were broken, my heart dashed a zillion times in silence, As I bled in tears, I kept remaining patience, Everything around me is a reminder of betraying people, Sincerity wrapped itself in silence like me, so unnoticed, Friends soon became strangers and I was stranded in the carnival, Middle of nowhere, the path ahead is so rusty and alone, My eyes kept waiting, ...

I must confess how I come back to you after a rough journey of painful emotions and sufferings, how you welcome me warmly and hold me in your arms. I must confess that despite fearing you, I have learnt to love you and see your kindness, of how you were the only one sincere. Afraid of the night and awaiting for the morn, I am no longer charmed by sunlight but by the glitzy stars. You hear me so faithfully and never give up on me, I must respect ... Can they not feel my feelings despite saying they know me soo well, why do they keep betraying my trust every day? I must confess that people change so drastically even when it is not my fault and when i tried to maintain those bonds, they just vanished in the dark..... they always pointed at me for being at fault, I never denied my faults but they never accepted theirs and needed a reason to break off........... Oh how selfish have humans become for materialism has over taken your soul and draped your ears, eyes and whole well being.. wher...

This world is like a carnival, with different kinds of people, of different tastes, styles, attitudes, thinking and desires but it is very difficult to find someone who is the one for you. The one who is sincere and can stand by you through thick and thin without asking for anything in return. Someone who does not put down conditions. Love is a two way road but nowadays we find a materialistic road of lust and fake emotions, it is a one way, single sided emotions, people getting hurt. Two timings and players are a thing of a common trend. " In a moment of this hustle bustle, everything seems so useless, I lost myself into materialism and kept maintaining my sanity with work and work, then accompanied by more work and materialistic gains became my goals, but I walked out on emotions which kept me alive. Blood still kept running in my body and my soul kept pumping but something was missing, I never felt so alive as I did when I was in love. As people walked past, I felt so hypnoti...

I am trying to gather pieces of myself slowly, Trying to concentrate on what’s going on now, But my memory seems to fade away terribly, My footsteps are stumbling as though I am drunk, But I promise by God, I am not a drunkard, I wonder why it feels the wine’s held me back. I have been away from home for a few days now, But seems like forever for now, Sadness has over taken my life badly, I am so immersed in darkness endlessly, He gives me his hand but I refuse, I don’t trust you, I say to him, Confusion takes over my existence, I am torn by so many people, Yet they know not, how it feels, For them it’s an act, but it’s not, I am running away from love, Because it hurts like anything, There’s always sadness in the end... I am better off without love for now, All those people I cherished in life, Vanished away the next morning, I am so lonely without you all, I wish they all knew, how I felt, I am not as lively as I used to be, I have made my mind up , I shall reside in this mundane c...

I kept waiting, the clock kept ticking away and there was no-one at the door, my eyes kept waiting for you...

Over the past few weeks, I have been surrounded by all these interesting love stories of my social circle. The past few days have made me a helpline operator for people in distress, these were people who are my friends. I have had to hear out the painful heart and then suggest a solution, I have been playing cupid for some time now, but I do not know how well am I handling my own relationships? Yesterday evening, a friend of mine from U.S called me up, she had a nervous breakdown and started weeping, the only person she could think of asking for help was me. This gesture of her touched my heart but it was not being Miss important or privileged that mattered here, it was all about what could I suggest? Would my advice even turn out to be helpful? It becomes very difficult to choose the right person, when you have a choice. In her case, she is meant to marry someone who she thought she loved, and who loves her more than she loves him. But things started fading out and she's been re...

A wintery midnight has woken me up, December 2006 is about to end, And I am still wrapped in confusions, My soul was trapped by materialism and fakeness, But now I am cleansing my sins in silence & isolation, Surrounded by your memories and insulting words, I transformed into a weakened mortal overtaken by fear, Webs of misunderstandings kept rolling & I kept bearing, But now the burden of single sided emotions has ended, I am setting myself free from your selfish surroundings, Going at ease without even letting you walk over again, Without you calling me 'stupid' or 'emotional fool', Of emotions of love and friendship am I contained, But now my soul refuses to let anyone take refuge in my heart, Khallas Ebed, I am walking away to the unknown to let my soul be cleansed, And return as a new I, unknown to your existence.

My shadow will keep haunting me till I find a true companion, the one who touches my heart and melts it away with sincerity and when I first see him it feels hes the one. knowing you, being with you, just you and me. My shadow wil keep haunting me and accompanying me as a friend till I find the 'one' not for a day or two but for eternity. Derbyshire,UK-2006

Adorable and he took my heart at the first sight, Dudu you were so meant to be mine.. hehe, ok now this sounds pretty weird but I totally have a crush on this fluffy creature. Dudu is a cat of my friend, every time I pay a visit to my friend, Dudu and me are meant to come face to face and I play with him. All he ever asks for is attention, and wants someone to cuddle him. But in our second last meeting, Dudu was being a bad boy, he scratched me!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ouch!!!! I was like 'Bad boy, go away, I don't love you anymore'. But the twinkle in his eyes compels me to come back to love him even more. With an animal such as Dudu, love at first sight is very possible. Heheh Cute cat !

It felt like thunder struck me hard and my body has collapsed, my mind has stopped functioning, my writing capabilities have failed and I have no power to write on.. but something kept dragging me ahead, I don't know what it was, my sadness overtook my joys. The miseries I have endured are sealed with this heart, for the world I am a joker, a jester, but the pain is hidden.. let the world enjoy the show and go back home with a smile. There is soo much I want to express and I don't even know if I shall be successful in doing so. Love entered in my body and leaked into my veins, my brain, my whole existence and captivated my heart, and then finally poisoning my soul.. romantic or scary, I don't know, but I regard it rather 'tragic'. There were moments when being with someone felt so safe and then I wanted to run away to ask myself if I was really happy, if whatever was happening was true or simply a set up? Insecure as much as you think I am, I have gone through soo m...