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2010: A year when distances grow..by Arabian Oud {R}

I should begin the blog with a Happy New Year but I am not, I truly do not feel excited about the new year at all, probably at the point where I stand now and I write this, it probably reflects the frame of mind I am in but I can't really be bothered with texting my friends and people around me a Happy New Year because for me it seems like a repetition. A story of dejavu, the years skip by, you learn from your mistakes, then morbidity is over you, difference is you can't show it but if you look carefully it is as dark as the colour black. When a miserable soul seeks peace in God, God tests them, when they seek solace in talking to a friend, they lose interest, when there love is there but not quite there, it feels as if silence has been obtained... when all professional ambitions begin to commit a suicide, it seems worthless to achieve anything anymore.. In the darkness of my lonely darkest hours, I sketched a portrait of my feelings, not like it should be but how it's made me feel to this point. Never expect anything from anyone but from yourself, once you give something away, never expect anything in return, not even in love.. love can be labelled as a charity- for many a time-passing leisure activity.

I searched for that face in the crowd, but I couldn't find it, it's left me so restless...with broken wings I can not fly because I am no longer an angel anymore.. because 'being good hurts too much'.. now is the time to change ' to love yourself' because love is within.

This year for me marks the beginning of distances growing.. when distances keep growing, it is hard to break them and come back to where you left each other, arrogance,attitude are the biggest devils that cause hindrances and let you wander off till you get back your senses, you realise the mind-games weren't worth it... distances grow and you find yourself in a very cold, with unloving people and with people who don't care. I ran after shadows thinking it was going to be mine, saying to myself that one day I will get it but in the end the shadows slipped away.. leaving me in distress with hate within myself.

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