2010: A year when distances grow..by Arabian Oud {R}

I should begin the blog with a Happy New Year but I am not, I truly do not feel excited about the new year at all, probably at the point where I stand now and I write this, it probably reflects the frame of mind I am in but I can't really be bothered with texting my friends and people around me a Happy New Year because for me it seems like a repetition. A story of dejavu, the years skip by, you learn from your mistakes, then morbidity is over you, difference is you can't show it but if you look carefully it is as dark as the colour black. When a miserable soul seeks peace in God, God tests them, when they seek solace in talking to a friend, they lose interest, when there love is there but not quite there, it feels as if silence has been obtained... when all professional ambitions begin to commit a suicide, it seems worthless to achieve anything anymore.. In the darkness of my lonely darkest hours, I sketched a portrait of my feelings, not like it should be but how it's made me feel to this point. Never expect anything from anyone but from yourself, once you give something away, never expect anything in return, not even in love.. love can be labelled as a charity- for many a time-passing leisure activity.

I searched for that face in the crowd, but I couldn't find it, it's left me so restless...with broken wings I can not fly because I am no longer an angel anymore.. because 'being good hurts too much'.. now is the time to change ' to love yourself' because love is within.

This year for me marks the beginning of distances growing.. when distances keep growing, it is hard to break them and come back to where you left each other, arrogance,attitude are the biggest devils that cause hindrances and let you wander off till you get back your senses, you realise the mind-games weren't worth it... distances grow and you find yourself in a very cold, with unloving people and with people who don't care. I ran after shadows thinking it was going to be mine, saying to myself that one day I will get it but in the end the shadows slipped away.. leaving me in distress with hate within myself.

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MISUNDERSTOOD- by Arabian Oud {R}

MISUND ERSTOOD At first they you pretend you care, But in reality you were ignorant, You offered help by lipservice, Nothing practical at all, Everytime I was depressed, You thought it was plain drama, Kept saying 'grow up girl', Changes were noticed slowly, The one day you went away, Here I was seeking love and support, Even my friends abandoned me, Everytime they met,it was about them, I pondered on what I had achieved, But there was no answer at all, They don't understand my problems, They never asked, expecting my life go-lucky, Here I am, Sitting on the bed, surrounded by dark walls, Tears keep flowing down nonstop, Wished there was someone by my side, Wiping them away, hearing my pain out, They call me names and think I am bad, They simply don't know my story, Love they say, is a medicine, But I seest that not, it only gives pain, They all called me immature and left, My heart was broken, the music stopped playing, Violins of my heart cried out so bad, Wished, the...

Unbeliever in love - June 2006 poem

I was once a believer in love, but now I am an unbeliever in love, I was so deeply smitten by his smile, but now I wonder what drove me to him? I thought love meant eternal BLISS, but then I realised it was plain HELL, Prancing around the trees like a child, I seemed to lose my innocence in love, Love, you followed my shadow everywhere, And then you entered my blood and then my soul, You crept into my alley in the dark night, Then stole my sleep and hypnotised me, I thought it was so special, 'true love' But it was nothing but a gud 'Time pass' for you, Driving me to insanity and sleepless nights, Then stealing away my dreams and peace, You vanish in the midst of the night, I thought you understood me, you was special, But it was all a charade you put up, You behave all sweet and innocent infront of me, But inside thee are full of betrayal and evil, Now I am an unbeliever in love, Thankyou for waking me up, Coz I can see I was lucky to walk away lonely, I am deaf to the...

Finally by Arabian Oud {R}

Finally It’s finally time to leave this cage, I once called my home, A place full of peace and security, But now everything reminds me of you, Haunts me day and night, I thought you would always be there, But that was a big lie, Hoping to hear from you everyday, I spent time thinking about you, Hoping you were next to me, That look in your face, drove me crazy, But all that is plain history now, I am so lonely now again, I tried to unleash the pain, And run away so many times, But every attempt was a failure, Coz deep down, I had hope, Wishing you would come back, And hug me so tight, Kiss my worries away so bright, Everyone told me I was dreaming, I locked myself into deafness, And slowly drifted into darkness, But now I hear my voice echo, My heart questions you, Where are you my beloved? Did you ever think of me, Miss me and love me? It’s finally time to leave, I was living in a cage, You once called ‘ our home’, You kept telling me, I couldn’t leave, But today, As I walk away into ...

ArabianOud {R}

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