Skip to main content

A story from the heart of the desert by Arabian Oud {R}




It’s a cold December night, the desert has always charmed me during the night, there’s something about it, maybe it’s that special fragrance of Dhehnel -Oud that’s hypnotised my soul, maybe it’s that special face my eyes always search for, or maybe it’s just I enjoy night dreaming, you know people often day –dream but in my case it’s the opposite. I have always been known as a dreamer, it’s an innate feeling, I can’t help but admit “yes I am a dreamer” don’t we all dream, especially when we are asleep? Don’t we weave dreams of achieving something in our life? I totally fell in love with the desert since a very young age, people think I am crazy, some make fun of my extreme love for the desert, sometimes I feel I was born as someone to be here, although a city girl by birth, I have felt more attached to this region of the world.
I have had more passion for living a traditional life rather than a modern one, of course incorporating modernity but not letting my simple life be scattered by the increasing modern trashes. This isn’t about my passion for the desert but about someone I love so much now, I realised the worth of this person in my life, sometimes we realise things so late, just about the moment we are going to lose them. Why does this happen? Ever thought about it? Life, you took away my innocence with that quick breeze, and now I am adult waiting to get old, fighting my inner most fears.
I feel if these special beloveds leave me, I am going to be so alone, and not only that, sometimes I feel I wouldn’t be able to survive, I will probably fall apart and give up without them. Have you ever felt this way? I know you think I am being too emotional but believe me I never thought I would reach a point in my life, when I would realise the worth of human relations as deeply as this.
Love, swept me away in that magical place, and brought me back only in tears and agony, this then broke my trust in ever loving anyone. The inside of me is so empty, like a dry valley, dry well, who is thirsty but has no where to head off to fulfil this thirst, is so content with living in this way that now it fears even falling into love again.

“I painted you and me together, here in this place, I call home, but why do I feel so lonely, even when you’re with me? Maybe because you never loved me truly, and gave me a shoulder only because you pity me.”

Whenever I feel lonely, I head off to this desert, sit here and wander how life is moving on, I learn from these nomads, who are so content with whatever they have, I dreamt of something like this, but I find this so impossible. I ask for no pity or attention, I speak tales of the past and of how I was hurt by someone I once loved.
But when these beloveds walked in my life, I felt I had an anchor to cling on, like a small baby who’s so comfortable and in safe hands. But how do you win back trust? I ask them, do you turn blind and pretend nothing went wrong with the person you once loved and he cheats on you? Life doesn’t stop, I am told, surely it doesn’t , but it doesn’t remain the same, for someone like me, I feel I am half dead, I just want to corner away like a hermit, forget myself and give myself away to those needy people, to their services, to look after them. Despite all this, my heart dreams of my a beloved, my veiled face is looking across the sand dunes, and my kohl eyes gaze at the moon and stars and wish to Allah, hoping I find my desert warrior one day, here…to be with me, forever and ever. I walk away into hiding and leave behind my footsteps in this desert, I call my home…

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

FOREVER LOVE- DOES IT EXIST?

I often ask myself,does true love exist? out of curiosity, this question hoovers around my mind, coz I have seen the majority cry over in love rather than be happy in love. When your alone, you wish you had someone and when you have that someone, your either happy or miserable, soon the short lived happiness turns ugly and all that feeling of love and compassion is fake. I am a non believer in love, but I ask you all, do you believe in love? do you even think something such as 'true love' exists? I would admit, I have come across few very few people who have fought for their love and stood firm and remained sincere and loyal through out.. but then, that's so rare to find, like they say 'true love is soo rare to find',like good things and people are rare to find. Once we lose them, it's then we realise their value, we never value something or someone till we have them, coz we think, we don't have to worry about anything and will never lose them. This is a wro...
3 comments
Read more

CAMPAIGN AGAINST FORCED MARRIAGES & HONOR KILLINGS IN THE UK - RUN BY ARABIAN OUD {R} -PLEASE JOIN

Over the past few years, especially recently, there have been a lot of honor killings in the UK, most of them are linked to forced marriages, and not surprisingly, these honor killings have been committed by Muslim people. Recently, a Pakistani girl was brutally murdered by her father, brother and cousin brother, meanwhile her mother and small neices were watching the murder. the neices as small as 2 and 4 yrs old were compelled to stand and watch, so if they tried to do something in future, this would be their end. There have been numerous cases, call it illiteracy or plain 'Jahiliya' ignorance, which results in killing their flesh and blood. Me and my friends have decided to set up a campaign against honor killing and forced marriages, and convince the British government that there is a need to impose a strict law which condemns such barbaric activities. and there shall be severe punishment. In previous editions it was mentioned, the government wouldnt impose a law, becoz it ...
1 comment
Read more

The most hardest thing by Arabian Oud {R}

I couldn't help writing a blog for so many days, life has been so busy and more hectic than ever. But thank God for that. I am happy doing what I am and a lot of things in life seem stable. But for the past few days or weeks I have been in an inner turmoil.The most hardest thing at times in ones life is when they can not pour out their inner emotions to people around them, especially those they love and a re close. Sadly these relationships wire you so much that you fear losing them and you want to just display a very normal and very composed pattern. When all ears turn deaf or maybe your words stop churning and you end up in a corner which is confined for yourself. Normality, it seems flips and it turns you into an insane human being. You lose your mind and every therapeutic effort seems a waste. You need to wake up and ask yourself where your going wrong. Sometimes the people you come across are simply not worth your time. Do not rush into emotions, if you get an equal vibe tha...
1 comment
Read more